- "But hey, who needs a Trojan horse when the alarm is down and your standing army is a dame, a dork and a... drunk?"
- ―Max Payne
A Dame, a Dork, and a Drunk is the sixth chapter in Max Payne 3.
The chapter starts with [[Raul Passos] intruding on Max Payne in his unlocked apartment. Max is slumped over a table and sitting on a chair, around which the usual evidence of heavy substance abuse. Passos wakes him up and tells him that their boss, Rodrigo Branco, wants to see them. Upon their arrival into the Branco headquarters and then entrance into Rodrigo's office, Max and Passos encounter Rodrigo in a highly anxious state; accompanying him is Marcelo Branco, Victor Branco and Armando Becker. Rodrigo attempts to dismiss the two bodyguards as a "fucking pair of clowns", due to their evident failure to recover Fabiana. Passos quickly, and in a sincere manner, tries to explain both himself and Max have "risked their lives several times" in collective attempts to rescue her. Rodrigo sympathetically refrains from further hostility, and explains to the two that he only wants to know "what was happening and why". Victor attempts to reassure him, including a reference to their father, and admitted by Rodrigo, his "embarrassing, humiliating" death, but is not considered by Rodrigo to be in equal severity to the current situation, and so his anxiety persists. A few moments later, Becker claims he can guarantee Fabiana's rescue and in close proximity to the time present, but only under the condition that Rodrigo "Do as I (he) asks", to which Rodrigo replies "Maybe", in a considerate tone. Almost immediately after, Victor instructs Marcelo and Passos to the chopper, also insisting that Becker should go with them too, and all but one of the selected party proceed out of the office, accompanied by Victor himself. Becker, now alone with Rodrigo and Max, tries to convince Rodrigo (partly in portuguese) that it would be much more efficient if Rodrigo end his employment of Max and Passos, who in the process he claims to be "fucking amateurs", having stated protection would be best provided by "professional security" instead. Rodrigo dismisses Becker, who responds by shaking his hand and leaving, and Rodrigo moves over to where Max is still standing, walks past him, and the two talk about how they had "so many plans", and Max responding to Rodrigo, "didn't we all". Da Silva interrupts by making an attempt (via Rodrigo's secretary) to meet with Rodrigo privately, possibly to warn him that the UFE might be involved in the conspiracy regarding Fabiana's kidnapping, only to then be impatiently disregarded by Rodrigo as just "another bent cop". Shortly proceeding this, a distant sounding alarm triggers and Rodrigo announces that a group, of which are later determined to be the Cracha Preto, are entering the building through the reception doors (of which is visibly confirmed via the CCTV monitors active in Rodrigo's office). Max has no choice but to face the heavily equipped militia head-on, leaving Rodrigo in his office so he can be ready to activate it's lockdown sequence. Max is assisted by the IT Guy to get the systems back online in the headquarters, which the inactivation of has prevented Rodrigo securing his position. Max orders the secretary and the IT Guy to get behind cover, then retrieves a firearm (Micro 9mm) from his jacket pocket and charges into the next room, after this point gameplay quickly ensues; inside the office are a pack of the hostile paramilitary who begin firing at Max once he fully enters, and quickly after which a few reinforcements from the next room arrive to assist them in eliminating the lone threat. Max, despite incredible disadvantage, successfully eliminates all of the armed units inside the room, and those that he and the IT guy encounter following this. After the building is successfully locked down, Max returns to the office, where he finds Rodrigo dead on his computer desk, having been executed with a shot to the rear skull, in all, but in this case fatally, paralleling Max's own unconscious position seen at the beginning of the chapter. Max then recovers a bottle from one of Rodrigo's desk drawers and in the process of attempting to unscrew the bottle cap, accidentally breaks the framed photo of Fabiana seen earlier in the office, that he had also just picked up, presumably to accompany his drinking. Max begins to collect the broken shards of the frame, but fortunately notices a remote explosive wired underneath Rodrigo's desk, and in panicked realisation, then attempts to descend from the offices balcony, of which Rodrigo had just been shouting to him from before he was killed; before Max can fully evade it's blast radius, the wired explosive detonates, violently throwing Max from the railing to the ground below, knocking him out. Through the detonation of other (speculated) explosives, the building starts to collapse from severe structural damage and an inferno.
Max, after regaining his consciousness, tries to leave the building, encountering a few remaining and still hostile Crachá Preto members, of which one appears to have killed the IT guy. At the end of the level, Max finds a nearly dead paramilitary soldier, who is severely injured and because of this, unable to attack Max and likely rendered him unwilling. Max who then interrogates the dying soldier asks why they came to kill Rodrigo Branco, but the soldier replies that they came to kill Max, because he's apparently killed a significant number of them and therefore deserving of retribution by the militia. Max proceeds to question the soldier the precise whereabouts of which Fabiana is being held and the soldier desperately replies, claiming that Fabiana is being held by Comando Sombra up the hill, which is later confirmed in the next chapter (and second disc of the Xbox 360 edition of the game) by Da Silva, who purposely goes to encounter Max in A Hangover Sent Direct from Mother Nature. Max then drags his dying enemy to the front of the office headquarters, and subsequently leaves.
- Max Payne
- Raul Passos
- Rodrigo Branco (Killed)
- Marcelo Branco
- Wilson Da Silva (Mentioned only)
- IT Guy (First appearance) (Killed)
- Victor Branco
- Armando Becker
Amidst The Wreckage
Destroy All The Models in The Boardroom
5 Gamerscore or a Bronze trophy
- The name of the chapter most likely references the characters within it - the dame being the secretary, the dork being the IT guy, and the drunk being Max.
- Max repeatedly references a security guard that helped clear the enemies from the building, and tells the secretary to find him for help, suggesting that Max was supposed to have an ally in the mission, but he was cut at the last minute.
- In an early cutscene of the next chapter, Max mentions fighting off the Crachá Preto with a security guard when talking to Victor.
- In Chapter 12 at checkpoint 4, Max can discover a large assembly of photographs and plans crudely attached to a wall of the Imperial Palace Hotel; included in the portfolio is a photograph of a man wearing glasses and a black suit entering the reception of the Fabricas Branco offices. It is highly possible this man is the security guard that Max references in Chapter 6 and 7.
- This, along when Max is shot in Just Another Day at the Office, is the only time where Max will not have full health when reloading a checkpoint.
- After the office explosion, Max cannot dual wield his weapons or perform a Shootdodge for the remainder of the chapter.
- For the Xbox 360 version of the game, this is the final chapter on the first disc.
- If Max goes through Victor's office Max will notice emails and a folder containing information about Fabiana's personal schedule which foreshadows his involvement in the kidnapping.
- This is the only chapter to feature both the Auto 9mm and the Micro 9mm, and so will be the first and only time Max can dual wield the two armaments simultaneously.