- "But hey, who needs a Trojan horse when the alarm is down and your standing army is a dame, a dork and a... drunk?"
- ―Max Payne
A Dame, a Dork, and a Drunk is the sixth chapter in Max Payne 3.
PlotThis chapter starts with [[Raul Passos] intruding on Max Payne in his apartment. Max is slumped over a table and sitting on a chair, around which the usual evidence of heavy substance abuse. Passos wakes him up and tells him that their boss, Rodrigo Branco, wants to see them. Upon their arrival into the Branco headquarters, and subsequent entrance to Rodrigo's office, encounter Rodrigo in a highly anxious state; accompanying him is Marcelo Branco, Victor Branco and Armando Becker. Rodrigo, upon realising his two bodyguards attempts to dismiss them both as a "fucking pair of clowns" due to their evident failure to recover Fabiana. Passos quickly, and in a sincere manner, tries to explain both himself and Max have "risked their lives several times" in collective attempts to rescue her. Rodrigo sympathetically refrains from further hostility, and explains to the two he only hopes he "knew what was happening and why". Victor attempts to reassure him, including a reference to their father, and admitted (by Rodrigo) his "embarrassing, humiliating" death, but is not considered by Rodrigo to be in equal severity to the current situation. A few moments later, Becker claims he can guarantee Fabiana's rescue in proximity to the time present, but only under the condition that Rodrigo "Do as I (he) asks", to which Rodrigo replies "Maybe" in a gradually convinced tone. After a short silence, Victor instructs Marcelo and Passos to the chopper, and all selected party proceed out of the office, accompanied by Victor himself. Shortly after, Becker tries to convince Rodrigo that it would be more efficient to end the employment of Max and Passos, who in the process Becker claims to be "fucking amateurs" after having stated Rodrigo's protection would be best provided by "professional security" instead. Rodrigo swiftly dismisses Becker and walks over to where Max is still standing, walks past him, and the two talk about how they had "so many plans", and Max responding to Rodrigo, "didn't we all".Da Silva interrupts by making an attempt (via Rodrigo's secretary) to warn him that the UFE might be involved in the conspiracy regarding the kidnapping, only to then be impatiently disregarded by Rodrigo as just "another bent cop". Shortly preceding this, an alarm triggers and Rodrigo announces that a group, of which are later determined "paramilitaries", are entering the building, visibly confirmed via the CCTV monitors active in Rodrigo's office. Max has no choice but to face the heavily equipped militia head on, leaving Rodrigo in his office so he can be ready to activate it's lockdown sequence. Max is assisted by the IT Guy to get the systems back online in the headquarters, which the inactivation of has prevented Rodrigo securing his position. After the building is successfully locked down, Max returns to the office, where he finds Rodrigo dead on his computer desk, having been executed with a shot to the rear skull, in all but nonfatally paralleling Max at the beginning of the chapter. Max, after recovering a bottle from one of Rodrigo's desk drawers and accidentally breaking a framed photo of Fabiana, discovers a remote explosive wired underneath the desk itself. Max then tries to leap off the balcony, which Rodrigo had just been shouting to him from before he was murdered. The wired explosive detonates earlier than Max was capable of reacting to, catching and throwing him below and injuring him in the process. Through the detonation of other (speculated) explosives, the building starts to collapse from severe structural damage and an inferno.
Max tries to leave the building while encountering a few remaining and still hostile Crachá Preto members, of which one appears to have killed the IT guy. At the end of the level, Max finds a nearly dead paramilitary soldier, who is severely injured and because of this, unable to attack Max and likely rendered him unwilling. Max who then interrogates the dying soldier asks why they came to kill Rodrigo Branco, but the soldier replies that they came to kill Max, because he's apparently killed a significant number of them and therefore deserving of retribution by the militia. Max proceeds to question the soldier the precise whereabouts of which Fabiana is being held and the soldier desperately replies, exclaiming that Fabiana is being held by Comando Sombra up the hill, which is later confirmed in the next chapter (and second disc of the Xbox 360 edition of the game) by Da Silva, who purposely goes to encounter Max in A Hangover Sent Direct from Mother Nature.
- Max Payne
- Raul Passos
- Rodrigo Branco (Killed)
- Marcelo Branco
- Wilson Da Silva (Mentioned only)
- IT Guy (First appearance) (Killed)
- Victor Branco
- Armando Becker
Amidst The Wreckage
Destroy All The Models in The Boardroom
5 Gamerscore or a Bronze trophy
- The name of the chapter most likely references the characters within it - the dame being the secretary, the dork being the IT guy, and the drunk being Max.
- Max repeatedly references a security guard that helped clear the enemies from the building, and tells the secretary to find him for help, suggesting that Max was supposed to have an ally in the mission, but he was cut at the last minute.
- In an early cutscene of the next chapter, Max mentions fighting off the Crachá Preto with a security guard when talking to Victor.
- In Chapter 12 at checkpoint 4, Max can discover a large assembly of photographs and plans crudely attached to a wall of the Imperial Palace Hotel; included in the portfolio is a photograph of a man wearing glasses and a black suit entering the reception of the Fabricas Branco offices. It is highly possible this man is the security guard that Max references in Chapter 6 and 7.
- This, along when Max is shot in Just Another Day at the Office, is the only time where Max will not have full health when reloading a checkpoint.
- After the office explosion, Max cannot dual wield his weapons or perform a Shootdodge for the remainder of the chapter.
- For the Xbox 360 version of the game, this is the final chapter on the first disc.
- If Max goes through Victor's office Max will notice emails and a folder containing information about Fabiana's personal schedule which foreshadows his involvement in the kidnapping.
- This is the only chapter to feature both the Auto 9mm and the Micro 9mm, and so will be the first and only time Max can dual wield the two armaments simultaneously.